The Aquarium

Up in Flames

Between you and I,
I knew there was a spark.
I didn’t where it would go but I never thought it would go dark.

The spark became an untamed flame. 
I was cold with pain, so that blaze was a good phase
of my life. Until that flame went up cause my love was too deep.

I was knowing you were different, but I still didn’t have the patience to wait and make it right. So I left after you wouldn’t tell me that you loved me to my face. I was feed up with text messages taking your place in my life. 
I wanted to hold you close and let you hear the love and affection in my voice.
I had got so mad that I had no choice but leave.

In a rage, just like that passionate flame, I was untamed and a threat to my own health. Dangerously flying down the freeway, because without you, I felt I had nothing else.

What’s worse is that you texted me, to make sure I was okay. Pride so broken, I said “I hope you go away. Fuck off” then continued to drink that liquor like it was a hot commodity only find myself drunk on the coach.
I lost myself to the devil like it was an armed robbery.
Swimming in sorrow.

Burnt from my own mishaps, perhaps if I wasn’t gone off that bottle of captain I would have realized what happened.

So I’m stuck trying to realize where I went wrong to tame my flame. Sleeping with ladies and I barely know they names. Only in hope to mask this fucking pain.
I could only wear that mask for so long before people could see me drained, off or just acting a lil different.

I was steady texting you trying to remain friends, you forgave me for my wrongs and that was the beginning of the end.

I never felt more sorry to lose someone. I see you moved on and I wanted to try to bring you back, but I knew better and decided to fall back from that.

Afterward, I don’t want to play with fire quite the same.

Ex Things

We use to talk everyday. Often times about nothing.
Things that I didn’t think held a lot of substance, gross surplus of nothing.

But I never know what I have until it’s gone. and now that you and me are through… I realize those talks of nothing meant everything to me.
It felt special because it was something I needed more than anything else.

Intimacy. 
A male emotional often misunderstood. We don’t always realize how powerful that can be and all too often realize the beauty
only when it was too late. 

I took you for granted and I’m so sorry for that. I only wished that I could take back all my mistakes. I wish so dearly that I knew what was at stake. 

But I’ve told myself that this was for the best. Your rejection of today may only be the best protection for tomorrow. 
So why oh why do I wallow in my sorrow, as if I can’t find another woman with similar credentials as my ex? As if I can’t find another women with enough compassion to understand my pain and be a my momentary tranquility?
As though the new woman may never exist? Since when did I start believing that I, Marlon Taylor was NOT the shit? 
When did I forget?

There will most certainly be some days that hit us harder than others, but don’t let a bad few moments determine your trajectory of life. 
you are the captain of your soul!

Falling from love

Our love was exciting.
Endless tension like watching a 5 year long suspense.
I loved every second because I always knew that one false move and you’d be through
With me
I had made mistakes and apologized to you, but you forgave me after some time.
In mind, I knew you forgave, but you didn’t forget. I constantly questioned your presence in my life since then
I felt so low; like a piece of shit.

I had a feeling when things got too turbulent, you’d be ready to leave. Leaving me behind to figure out what went wrong on my own.

I worked to be a better man in hope of one day I’d be able to be the man you wanted me to be. Sometimes I still hope to be.
But I was so twisted in that fallacy that I failed to see reality. I have a hard time believing that I’ll ever be the right one for you. 
I was floating on your love and falling from it was still graceful until I hit the ground, look around and see that I’d been falling down. 
I was a mess, and I wish you didn’t love me as strongly as you did; having my spirits lifted so high.
Some part of me was a bit of masochist cause I loved me some dramatic shit.

Until one day you decided that dramatic shit was the end of it. 

This was the day that I feared the most. I should have seen it coming, but I guess one can say I was blinded by love. The day you find someone else to be your significant other but we don’t really exactly know how to say goodbye to each other. I held on to you like a heating packet in the winter. I was so very convinced that I could be the winner of you and your heart. I’ve loved you so long that I can’t recall our origins. Loved you so long, that maybe my over hyped sensation of you, had my reality distorted. I wanted happiness and at the time that seemed to be all you. Love truly kept me from the truth.
We didn’t anticipate this result, but this pain makes me want to bring everything to a halt.
It’s no one’s fault, but I was so caught up in us. We were stirred up , back in the days but now we are settling dust.
It hurts cause I loved you so much. Tore open my heart and let the feelings gush. I gave you a piece of my soul and you had to let it go.
But at the same time, I understand where you stand. My loneliness can’t hold you from you own happiness. I would like for you to be happy. But if I truly say that I love you, I have to love you unconditional. No expectations or conditions.
So I hope you don’t expect me to be blowing you up like I use to, or sending you sweet love poems, or just checking up on you just for the sake of it. This is not to be spiteful or angry, but I honestly have to learn how to love me. Time and Time again , I feel the pangs of rejection. 

Who could have imagined me being so savage?
I guess I spent time of life trying to fit in with average
That’s not to disrespect you and say that your worthless
I’m just a different dude, looking for purpose.

Now Marlon,

What precisely has been so savage that you must come here bragging?
Well for starters I told you I stopped demanding; attention simply to be seen with high hopes of people to show love to me
I had my plan, got focused like laser beam on my green.
Uncanny and never seen yet shining like a diamond
A constant work of art, like a star on the horizon
It shouldn’t be surprising with steady late night writing
of Ambitions and success
Trials,tribulations, me, failing some test.
I had to face some struggle before I knew Id be the best.
Once I beat me, there is no competition left.

I stopped caring for the other people opinion killed self doubt and left it limping
No longer allot time for feeling sorry for myself. I looked in the mirror and realized so much wealth.
No, not in money because all I have is love. Because the one up above showed love to little ole me.
Love shone so bright, eyes closed could still see.

All of this here is reason for me
To be
Savage
&
Unrelenting in love

Think

great woes be to he that thinks.
thoughts are as abundant as the blinks in a day
each countless thought, be dense as a neutron star
To stop and pause on any one thought…
Is a moment in time where magic is born. 
Its sworn, creation in its infancy with endless possibilities.
til ye be faced with fork in the road; let it go or let it grow
Woe be the dread of Decision, Oh no the blessed curse of multiple visions
Auxiliary guidance is absent from the satisfaction of coming to an end.
Crossroad after crossroad, low and behold another crossroad.

In search of a steady path that may ultimately not exist, but I will never quit.
For life is a journey, not a destination. Each step on my conquest gives a tingling sensation.
But it all started with the thought. In the end, you might say, “ Who would have thought?”

Step forward towards your conquest, never stride back, only pause to assess your progress.
These are only a few keys to success.I wish you the best of luck when pushing open grand doors. Never have fear because there is more in store!

I’m different

Yep, that’s correct, I’m definitely different
Can’t tell you how many times I’ve taken the path of most resistance.
I can be forgiven by the world but still hold a grudge against myself>
Low levels of love are beginning to become critical
All symptoms of being a profound individual.

I think on the world calling the globe of my pillow
Death to my ex wife the world of material
I never loved it in the first place. They take me to a complacent individual.
When I left the ignorance and reached for wisdom, they seem to call me a pilgrim who became an outcast. Who constantly ask, “Why?” I’ll wait, I 
I start first and finish last, the ambition in my blood is boiling causing fever.
I have to convince the masses to become a believer

I’m swimming up stream with my nonexistent team. 
Who is the one I lean on? Who my people I call friends? Who are the people who I trust all the way to the end?
I have em, but they are far far away because they are so rare.

Similar to me yet still different the masses. Noses in the books because they are trying to succeed in their classes.

I seem to wish so bad for normalcy, but to be quiet that shit just wasn’t mean for me.

I want nothing more than to feel real love.
I’ve almost given up to the indecisive shoulder shrug.

I want to feel like I can talk about everything on my mind and not feel nervous about it. I want to be able to listen without it feeling like I’m trying to impress you.
I want to be able to hug you and feel you embrace me just as strong and want to hold on to me just as long.
I want to be able to disagree and still be friends. I want to be able to trust with out having a doubt in my mind. 
I wish to feel that strong feeling in my heart fulfilled. 

Damn, and I’m back at it again. Last night I was on ten and then I fell into sin.
Simplicity is so tempting to me. It was an easy fuck, So I said fuck it and fucked it good. Didn’t even wanna hit but hit because I could. 
Probably wasn’t my best judgment, but I’m a man who has a fucking problem with fucking. Fucking to pass the time. Fucking to get my ex off of my mind.
Fucking with your emotions as swimming in your ocean.
I wasn’t hoping to cuddle with you or make you feel special; I got what I wanted and left like an extra terrestrial. My body is just a vessel for my mind.
I’m on a mission to find love in all the wrong ways. I might break a few hearts leave girls crying for days.
Back at it again on straight savage shit, to get even with the past. My heart has been hurt too bad. I am in a destructive mood. Fall into some pussy like quicksand. You let me sink in and I was thinking about how I want some true love but this ain’t cutting it, while i’m busting and….
I’m just not satisfied. I just fuck to pacify the true pain that resides inside. The one girl I loved is no longer by my side…

The most raw truth can’t be touched not even after we fuck…

There was so much love that existed between you and I.
We didn’t work out because you didn’t want to try.
I gave up the world for you and when you spoke about other relationships, I wanted to cry.
Too bad my tear ducts were already torn up unable to liquefy. 
The pain and anguish that I felt on my heart would never go away. 
But today I can no longer stay. Wishing for something to change, I noticed you hadn’t really exchanged your true feelings to same degree as me. At times I wonder if you thought this was a silly game. My heart was the ball and your goals was the trashcan, I don’t think you were super savage,
But your actions left me here asking
How do you really feel? What’s the real deal? I can’t tell if the feeling was truly mutual. There were too many pieces missing, it was strange, not the usual.
I simply wanted to find comfort in the fact that I could know that you undoubtedly loved me back. You wouldn’t give me that satisfaction, if I did something wrong you hadn’t expressed how we could fix it. You found more ease when you simply ditch it.
Or so it seems, I can’t really tell anymore. By me being unsure of someone I thought I was so sure about had only left me with an open mouth. In total shock realizing this coming long ago but neither of us knew how to truly let go.
We tried to save feelings thinking it would give healing to slow burn to the end.

I don’t think I have ever loved someone so deeply. Now when other come close to my emotions, it feels creepy. I never want to feel this type of pain again but I still want to connect on that level that you gave me.
In essence, I’m in need of some saving.
Until I figure things out I’ll be contemplating…